Neglect, but in a good way

growth

I write when I have a deficiency or a need.  I haven’t written in a few days, so that is good news.

I got invited to go to Mexico and I said YES.  I have mixed feelings about this trip.  I want to go, I want to sit in the sand and sip tequila while getting a tan.  I want to forget…..I want to feel light, stress free and at ease.  I want to feel peaceful and okay with my choice of going…..but I don’t yet.  I’m stressing about a few things.  First is my son may be moved from jail to a residential treatment facility, this move MAY take place while I’m gone.  Selfishly, I want him to be moved when I am home and accessible because when he calls from that facility, I can rush down there and SEE HIM FACE TO FACE, I can touch his hair and hug the guts out of him. If he gets moved while I am sitting poolside in Mexico I will miss that opportunity.  It makes my heart hurt…I need to hug him, I need to put my hands on his cheeks and look into his beautiful blue eyes.  I am torn.  I also need to get away…escape and forget my current reality if only for 7 days.  My other stressors are not only secondary they are silly and oh, so petty…I like to wear a bikini and I’m kinda chubby in the middle and I really hope I don’t get food poisoning (again, <insert green faced person> belch!).

So, that’s it for today.  Excitement mixed with emotions of unsettlement (is that a word?)

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