Well, well – it has been a VERY long time since I wrote anything here.
I really should go back an re-read my last entry.
Life is moving slowly and I love it. I’m not looking too far ahead and certainly trying to not look back.
I have trust issues that I work on daily. I am treasuring family dinners, texts, silly photos, hugs, nighttime chats, small celebrations, thanking God for my trials because I feel strong. Riding the waves of life and trying to not get sea sick.
I write when I have a deficiency or a need. I haven’t written in a few days, so that is good news.
I got invited to go to Mexico and I said YES. I have mixed feelings about this trip. I want to go, I want to sit in the sand and sip tequila while getting a tan. I want to forget…..I want to feel light, stress free and at ease. I want to feel peaceful and okay with my choice of going…..but I don’t yet. I’m stressing about a few things. First is my son may be moved from jail to a residential treatment facility, this move MAY take place while I’m gone. Selfishly, I want him to be moved when I am home and accessible because when he calls from that facility, I can rush down there and SEE HIM FACE TO FACE, I can touch his hair and hug the guts out of him. If he gets moved while I am sitting poolside in Mexico I will miss that opportunity. It makes my heart hurt…I need to hug him, I need to put my hands on his cheeks and look into his beautiful blue eyes. I am torn. I also need to get away…escape and forget my current reality if only for 7 days. My other stressors are not only secondary they are silly and oh, so petty…I like to wear a bikini and I’m kinda chubby in the middle and I really hope I don’t get food poisoning (again, <insert green faced person> belch!).
So, that’s it for today. Excitement mixed with emotions of unsettlement (is that a word?)
of joy today…
In need of someone to assure me everything will be okay…
In need of a hug…